I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When did angry sex become our thing?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
