Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just tell him i said nine months
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
