Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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