I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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