i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
