More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
