I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we're making bets on your personal life
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
