WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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