I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
