??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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