Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
