left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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