and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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