you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
