yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
