Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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