I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
