I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
