Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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