Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
