I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
