it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
