the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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