we're blogging at a bar
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
