Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
