2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
