260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
