Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
