Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
