Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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