RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
