i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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