I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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