Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
