So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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