I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
