if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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