I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
