Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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