fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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