Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
