Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
