Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
