I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
