Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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