You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
