Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm really busy with my period
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