If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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