My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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