omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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