You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
