$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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