I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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