This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
