i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
