no, he came in my armpit
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
