Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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