No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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