I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
