We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
