i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
