Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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